If I ask you to write a list of all your good attributes, skills, and accomplishments and a list of all your faults, regrets and mistakes, which would be easier for you to recall and write? Often we are so quick to list our imperfections, we forget all the small and big ways we shine our light and share our gifts with the world and how important it is that we recognize and live that daily.
Ways we diminish our *light*:
Before you can do something that you’ve never done before, you have to imagine it’s possible. – Jean Shinoda Bolen
1. When our self-image doesn´t match what we feel is inside us, our real potential.
As children we are drawn to different activities and interests and some of us even know from an early age what we want to do with our lives when we are older; it feels instinctual, a part of us, our life purpose, our destiny.
However, as we grow older, our ego and experiences can affect how we view ourselves which can lead to fear of our own true power and gifts that lie within each of us. Instead of shining our light, we limit ourselves with our thinking and perspective, thus creating cognitive dissonance and making our goals harder to achieve as they become incongruent with our self-image and often self-imposed limitations. We may feel the call inside to be a singer, for example, but instead we are prevented from fulfilling our true destiny by negative self-talk that convinces us we are not good enough, talented enough, deserved enough, pretty enough, worthy enough to go after what lights up our heart and soul.
It is our passions that lead us to the unique gifts within that we have to offer and share with the world.
Action steps towards our light: Visualisation technique.
v Sit up straight (a straight posture instantly improves confidence and positivity; remember your mind and body are interconnected and they communicate and affect each other, i.e., body changes mind, mind changes body).
v Breathe from your diaphragm, taking three deep breaths, inhaling through the nose – holding the breath for three counts, exhaling out of the mouth. We do this to calm the nervous system and activate the parasympathetic system which brings you into a state of relaxation more conducive for visualization. (If unfamiliar with how to breathe effectively, check out this short breathing technique video by Dr Nick Campos). http://www.nickcampos.com/2010/11/are-you-breathing-properly/
v Close your eyes gently, and allow yourself to be guided by your imagination – remember there are no right or wrong ways to do this; just trust. Imagine your authentic self, who is the real person inside of you that is bursting to come into the world? Visualize exactly how you would look as your authentic self, your posture, your mannerisms, how you interact with others, how you would go about your day. Keep running through these images until they feel right for you.
v Step into the image so you are now seeing through the eyes of your authentic self. Visualize what you see around you, how does your day go from morning to night, how do you handle challenges that may arise. Imagine everything working out perfectly for your highest good with ease and grace; visualize how good it feels to live from your authentic self.
v To finish, visualize yourself and see through your eyes, a current or future situation where you want to be your best, reach your potential or overcome any challenges. Visualize the event from your authentic self that has always been there inside of you, and imagine everything going perfectly, for your highest good and all concerned. Keep doing this until you feel satisfied with the outcome. Gently open your eyes, taking three deep breaths as before, to awaken fully and become fully present and grounded.
Visualization techniques can be very powerful, especially when practiced regularly, as they help nurture and reshape neural pathways which affects how you think, creating new habits and behaviours that if practiced often enough will become automated processes in your subconscious; thus completing your metamorphosis from caterpillar to butterfly, free to fly and radiate your light.
Research on visualization is conflicting, whether seeing yourself from an observer perspective or from stepping into your image and seeing from the eyes of yourself is more effective. Personally, I prefer combining the two because as you are trying to imagine your authentic self and in new ways and scenarios, it is best to see from the observer perspective so you can make changes to your picture until you feel comfortable with how you look, feel, and act in the visualization, and then to step into your new self and live from that perspective as if it were happening so you can really feel how good it feels and all the emotions and confidence that goes with it. Also, important to step into your image, as research does show that people with Post Traumatic Stress keep replaying the event in their head over and over again in vivid images and often from the eyes of themselves and not as an observer, thereby creating and reinforcing all the negative emotions they felt the first time it happened which gives the image and event all its power. Visualization can be very powerful and helpful if used in the right way and to reaffirm positive emotions and things going well.
Recommended reading would be any of the Neuro Linguistic Programming books by Paul McKenna which all include a CD which helps to speak to the subconscious mind and the visualization techniques in his books help to affirm and support what you hear on the CD. Try not to be put off by the cheesy titles he gives his books; there´s sure to be a book that meets your individual needs to help reshape and reprogram your subconscious mind.
Don’t let yourself be weighed down by what other people think, because in a few years, in a few decades, or in a few centuries, that way of thinking will have changed. Live now what others will only live in the future.
– Paulo Coelho
2. When we allow others´ jealousies and insecurities to overshadow our light.
They say that our closest family and friends are a reflection of who we are and what we represent. So what happens when we want to change our habits, environment, relationships, lifestyle, and/or health and fitness? Often this means coming out of alignment with our family and peers who may not want to adopt the same habits and lifestyle changes as us. Now, you may be thinking, “I´m not asking anyone else to change or do the same as me”, but by changing ourselves, we automatically change the dynamics of our relationships. Sometimes family and friends can be supportive of our changes, especially if we are making changes to help improve our health or recover from an illness, unless of course, our family and friends also share our health concerns and bad habits but are resistant to make any healthy changes in their life. This in turn, only emphasizes their bad habits as you make all the necessary changes to your life and in time you reap all the new benefits of your new lifestyle. This is where it can feel challenging to shine your light and reach your potential as this may mean feeling rejected by loved ones, being ridiculed for your new choices and way of being, receiving jealous comments or friends and family purposefully trying to sabotage what you are doing. This may make you feel embarrassed or ashamed to shine your light in front of others who are not supportive or understanding of your choices. It might even mean cutting ties and making new friends who do support the real and authentic you as you try to be the best you can be.
Only when we are true to ourselves, by loving ourselves enough to live fully from our hearts, our true desires, can we be free and happy within.
Action steps towards our light: Intentions
Research from the HeartMath Institute suggests that our intentions can affect our DNA. http://www.heartmath.org/free-services/articles-of-the-heart/you-can-change-your-dna.html Also their research demonstrates the power of our hearts which communicates its intentions to our physical body and mind; when we tune in to our heart and lead from our heart-filled intentions, amazing things can manifest in our lives.
When we set clear intentions in our life, it not only sets our goals to be achieved, it also gives us the true whys as to why we want to live these specific intentions. For example, it´s not enough to say I want to lose weight, quit smoking, earn more money, find a soul mate, exercise more, begin a meditation practice, etc., the importance of an intention is to set out in clear, concise present tense language using juicy adjectives to describe exactly what you want and the feeling that comes with it.
i.e., My intention for health: I am embodying a radiant and glowing body of health by running 5 miles a week in the countryside supported by nature; running because it makes me feel alive and I love listening to uplifting music and positive, life affirming podcasts whilst I run to feed my consciousness only that which serves me best.
It´s important when setting intentions that they resonate for you; remember, no one else is going to see them so you want your intentions to represent your truth and not what you think society expects of you or what your friends are doing. It´s also vital that you write down your intentions in a journal or diary or on post-it notes or pieces of card/paper that you can place around your living space because a Harvard study found that Harvard graduates who had written down their goals during their time at Harvard university, were the ones that ten years later had achieved their goals compared to the graduates that didn´t write their goals down. Harvard found that only 3% had written down their goals and that 3% ten years later had amassed a combined fortune more than the 97% of Harvard graduates combined that hadn´t written down their goals. Write out those intentions and make sure they align with your heart and true desires; remember your passions are where your unique gifts lie.
The easiest way to start is to know your *life purpose*. Your life purpose is what guides your existence, by knowing what this is, you will find it easier to align all other intentions and goals to fit and support your life purpose. If you are having difficulty realizing your purpose, I suggest writing a list of all the activities, hobbies, subjects, places, books, etc., that brought you joy as a child, before society, parents, teachers, and peers starting to fill your head with limitations and negative, discouraging talk. You´ll know when you have found your joy and passion because it will sing to you in your heart and fill every cell in your body with joy and elation. Think about when you would lose track of time doing this particular activity; what would you do for free?
Once you´ve set your life purpose intention, you can list your intentions for all facets and roles in your life and ensure that each intention supports your life purpose. You could break your intentions up into physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or into different categories like friendship, family, work, hobbies, charity/volunteering, health and fitness, play etc.
Finally, remember how I said that research is showing that our intentions can affect our DNA, it´s important to also set daily intentions. Although we can´t possibly control for everything in life (this is a good thing; remember how sometimes not having our prayers answered is the blessing in disguise even if it takes us until after the event to figure that out), the universe supports us when we take conscious action and helps guides us to where we need to be. Setting an intention in positive present tense language to start your day or every important activity you have to do that day, can help you feel supported not only by your own consciousness but also by something far greater, wiser and powerful than all of us which has the power to bring synchronicity into our lives as little miraculous messages, guiding us to our heart-filled joy path.
i.e., My intention before sleeping: I am sleeping peacefully, being guided by my dreams, my cells are renewing themselves with love and light and healing anything that needs healing in the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual body; I am awaking at the exact time I need to with ease and grace, refreshed, with new balanced energy, ready to manifest and create new realities, with gratitude for this new day and new opportunity.
Recommended reading: check out the research and books by Dr Bruce Lipton on epigenetics as well as keep abreast of the latest research being born in this emerging field of science. http://www.brucelipton.com/
If you want a trait, act as if you already have the trait.-William James
3. When we lack the confidence to shine our light brightly.
We´ve all heard of fear of failure, but some may be less familiar with the term fear of success; partly because it sounds ridiculous, “don´t we all want to be successful, why would we fear it?” We don´t often hear people complaining, “I´m too afraid to be pretty”, “I´m worried about being a multi-millionaire”, “having my dream job and getting praised and promoted is my worst nightmare.” Because of this, many people assume their fear must be related to a fear of failing. Failure is often a fear most associated with perfectionists, as they can´t bear to make mistakes and leave anything less than perfect, so they work diligently and persistently until perfection is achieved. For this reason, perfectionists are at high risk of clinical depression – far from being an illness for the weak or people who just can´t cope with life´s ups and downs, the clinically depressed have often worked the hardest and achieved the most, until one day something unexpected happens in their life to throw them for six. The operative word being unexpected or rather expectations not being fulfilled; in other words despite working long hours and being successful at work, your business still fails or you still get made redundant; your marriage breaks up even though you followed all the love advice possible, were caring and loving but still he/she left; despite all the hours of studying and reading, you still didn´t get 100% on the exam.
Fear of success is more about being comfortable with the familiar, with the failures we have already etched under our belts, our limitations and limiting beliefs becoming a welcome blanket of expectation. Fear of success is fear of the unknown, fear of getting our hopes up, fear of our potential and all the trappings, hard work and envy from others that it can bring; really it is our mind´s immune system, its default setting of finding all the possible negative scenarios to be aware of in shining our light. Being successful is like the paradox of life, beautiful and fragile, failure and success being the same sides of a coin, being vulnerable in order to be courageous. It interrelates with the above two points of having our self-worth be in alignment with our true potential and desires and also having the courage to shine our light and liberate others who resonate with us whilst accepting and acknowledging that not everyone is going to support our light and gifts and with this may come jealousy and criticism from others.
Shining our light makes us feel vulnerable, but it´s only by getting to this place of vulnerability that we can find our courage and grow. There is never a right time, or a time when you are ready; we only become ready with experience, and we only gain experience by trying before we are ready.
Vulnerability + Courage = Love and Light for Self + Liberates others = Connects all to Joy.
Action steps towards our light: Expect the Unexpected
This is not meant to scare you, whether we like it or not, we all live with uncertainty everyday of our lives, never knowing when it will be our last, and no matter what we expect or try to control for that day, unexpected good and not so good things will happen.
Tips for expecting the unexpected:
v Firstly, learn to breathe properly (see Dr Nick Campos´ video http://www.nickcampos.com/2010/11/are-you-breathing-properly/ ), whenever experiencing self-doubt, fear, vulnerability, just breathe into the feeling, calm your nervous system and gently move through to the other side of the emotion, knowing the universe fully supports you and that there is wisdom in all your emotions and you just need to surf the emotional wave out, where you come out the other end, more balanced and centred.
v Reflect on times throughout your life when things didn´t go according to plan or when your prayers weren´t answered. Think about what you learned from those experiences and what blessings came from them. As the Dalai Lama says, not having all our prayers answered can be a blessing in disguise.
v Reflect on times throughout your life where things went well, miracles happened, your dreams came true, everything went perfectly, better than expected. Notice how these manifestations were partly due to your actions, sometimes due to others´ actions and a lot to do with a helping hand from the universe. Notice how sometimes, it was the universe guiding you to where you needed to be. You´ll find often, even our imaginations can´t dream up the wonderful miracles that play out in our lives every day; that the universe can dream up far better scenarios, people, and events to come into our lives.
v Like the William James quote above states, to have the confidence to shine our light and share our authentic and unique gifts with the world, we need to act as if we already have the trait. That means, doing things before we feel ready, opening us up to vulnerability which we need in order to find our courage which ultimately leads us to our joy. We can invoke this by utilizing visualisation techniques, meditation, hypnotherapy, neuro linguistic programming, as well as eating a healthy, balanced diet and keeping active which looks after our well-being placing us in a better position to remain resilient and strong within ourselves.
v Find the wisdom in any mistakes, attempts, failures etc. Our minds our programmed to a negative default setting to protect us. Instead of ruminating on these negative thoughts, look for the guidance and wisdom it could be alerting you to and then take small daily positive action steps. For example, if you are anxious about an up-coming presentation and your mind is creating all sorts of worst case scenarios and embarrassment happening to you, take note and turn it into a positive. Negative scenario: power point fails and no one gets to see your slides and you forget the presentation you spent all last week memorising – the positive message: make a paper copy hand-out for everyone in the meeting in case of technical failures and write your presentation out on small pieces of card so if you do forget what you wanted to say, you could just refer to your notes or read off the card (better than standing their silent and red-faced).
v Lastly, sit with gratitude. Realize how lucky you are and privileged to even have the luxury to fear success. That means you are living in a part of the world that has freedom, rights, education, wealth, opportunity. Instead of fearing all your gifts and chances for success and growth, feel gratitude that you even have this opportunity to try and do and be something that you desire so strongly in your heart. Your presence on this earth has a purpose and not just one purpose, many purposes that may change and evolve throughout your life and experiences – honour your presence and all that have walked and lived before you as each generation has opened new doors for you to walk through. Now it´s your turn to walk through those doors and create new ones for your children and future generations to come, just by simply being you!
Recommended reading: To learn about leaning into your vulnerability and finding your courage, read Dr Brené Brown´s new book Daring Greatly. http://www.brenebrown.com/books/
In case you think confidence is only for extroverts and show-offs, find your inner-strength with Susan Cain´s book Quiet, which shows how some of the greatest leaders and people of social change and influence were introverts like Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, and Abraham Lincoln. http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/
Richard Wiseman´s book Rip it up, based on William James´ advice act as if you already have the trait you want. http://richardwiseman.wordpress.com/
For confidence, try Paul McKenna´s books Change your Life in Seven Days and Instant Confidence, both are accompanied with a CD to help activate all the ideas and techniques in his book, so worth buying. http://www.mckenna.com/default.htm
The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.—Steven Furtick
4. When we feel our light is never enough.
With today´s technology and social networking sites, we can up-date our friends, family, and strangers with all our latest highlights and new status. Ask yourself, how many of your friends/acquaintances are actually there for you, supporting you when times are rough and celebrating your successes with genuine happiness for you? Most people just want to hear the gory details of your personal problems then disappear, or get jealous when they feel you´ve achieved something they haven´t already. The constant comparison of beauty, intelligence, grades, finances, job status, relationship status, and materialism just leaves everyone empty and wanting more. It can leave many feeling inadequate as we assume the grass is always greener in someone else´s life; we never get to see their struggles or failures, or hear their self-doubts and negative self-talk. It can leave us feeling like we are never good enough, never doing enough which leaves us not appreciating all the wonderful small and big gifts and blessings we have to offer the world. It can lead to chasing a happiness out there in the external world that simply doesn´t exist and forget to be more grateful for all the blessings we do have and have worked hard to obtain and maintain.
Not feeling good enough relates to vulnerability that we discussed in point three. Shame researcher Dr Brené Brown, shows how many of us are experiencing shame for not being smart enough, pretty enough, rich enough, happy enough which creates emotions of fear, anxiety, anger which can lead to destructive patterns of thinking (like Dr Amen´s ANTs – Automatic Negative Thinking http://www.amenclinics.com/ ) and behaviours like addictions, abuse, unhealthy eating, lack of exercise or activity. When we numb our pain and try and hide who we are, we are also numbing our joy, happiness, gratitude, our unique gifts, love and compassion for ourselves and for others.
We are all on our unique path in life which needs to be honoured and respected through the good and bad times. Everything in life like nature is cyclical; the tough times will lead to opportunity and blessings just as much as the good times will lead to obstacles calling on us to expand and grow through the process.
Remember you are the gift, your presence is all we need; your vulnerability connects us together and connects us to our truth, our love, our joy, our compassion – it connects humanity as one.
Action steps towards our light: Empower
v Whatever your situation, take the advice of Carl Jung, “the greatest & most important problems of life are all fundamentally insoluble. They can never be solved, only outgrown”. This is empowering to view our problems as wisdom and part of evolution guiding us to grow and expand in ways that are authentic to our unique truth. We´re all teachers and students, start to see your life experiences as lessons you are supposed to master in order to teach others and help progress the evolution of the planet. The way we live now is all thanks to previous generations outgrowing their problems and progressing the world further through their experiences and wisdom. See your evolution and transformation through problems and difficult emotions as part of something bigger than you and your life.
v The easiest way to shine your light is help others to shine theirs. When you see someone with a problem, instead of pitying them or putting your fear and insecurities onto that person, empower them by recognizing the person´s strengths, turning a problem into a project and outgrowing it from new creative ways of thinking and doing. Albert Einstein was right when he said you can´t solve a problem from the same level of consciousness that created it. By helping and guiding others to rise above their circumstances, you lift yourself higher too. By seeing another human being succeed and thrive against the odds, overcome old pains, make miracles happen, gives you courage to do the same in your life and comfort that whatever future problems lie ahead for you, you know problems can be outgrown and new seeds of opportunity and blessings planted far greater than even the imagination can create. Seeing others thrive in spite of obstacles, puts a wet blanket on the fears we hold inside about life and encourages us to embrace uncertainty with a smile and joyful determination to outgrow our current level of consciousness.
v Practice mindfulness training/meditation, whereby we practice the art of non-judgement and observer of our thoughts and existence, connecting to inner wisdom and life force for resilience and vitality. How we treat others is a reflection of how we view and treat ourselves; the more judgemental we are of other people´s lives, the more judgemental we are of ourselves. Most of our behaviours and actions are motivated by unconscious desires that we are rarely even aware of ourselves, combined with the biological and chemical reactions of exchanges between the mind and body and the mystery of the energy life forces of which we are a part of in the universe, makes for an infinity of possible explanations as to why we do and say the things we do. Instead of judging ourselves and others, we benefit far more from becoming compassionate through a meditative practice which releases stress and guides us to our true nature of love and light.
v Practice gratitude. Every day, recognize your gifts no matter how big or small. The fact that you chose to get out of bed and face the new day and give life a try – that is your light, that is your gift, that not only empowers you, but empowers your family and friends. No point being a CEO if you bully all your co-workers and con the public out of their money; no point being a parent who never sees their children or doesn´t have a close relationship with them; no point being married if you make your spouse’s life a misery; no point having qualifications if you don´t use them for good, we can all memorize information to pass exams, but can you put that knowledge into action that has a positive effect in the world, or see the gaps in that information to progress our consciousness forward and outgrow old modes of thinking that don´t serve the world anymore? Recognize that your smile, does more good in the world than your salary, job title, relationship status, and possessions; it´s how you treat yourself with love and kindness that will manifest love and kindness into your family and friends´ lives and the world at large that plays a far more vital role in the evolution of the planet than any external quality or possession can. You are the gift; your presence is all we need, so please share your light with us all.
Recommended reading: Dr Brené Brown´s book The Gift of Imperfection – learn to love and accept your authentic self and start living a whole-hearted approach to life. http://www.brenebrown.com/books/2010/8/8/the-gifts-of-imperfection.html
Links to Dr Brené Brown´s three TED talks about shame and vulnerability:
The Power of Vulnerability http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o
The Price of Invulnerability http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UoMXF73j0c
Listening to Shame http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psN1DORYYV0
Meditative practice: Jon Zabat Zinn has numerous books on meditation to get you started. http://www.umassmed.edu/Content.aspx?id=43102
Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Finding Peace in a Frantic World by Professor Mark Williams and Dr. Danny Penman. http://franticworld.com/
Now, I want you to forget all you have read above, trust that whatever resonates for you will have found its way into your subconscious and allow yourself to be guided by this little gem of wisdom by Marianne Williamson. I highly recommend writing out this passage and reading it to yourself every day to remind yourself that you already are the light and that the world needs you to shine it bright where ever you go. By reading her words each day or whenever you need the extra reminder, it´s setting your true intentions and speaking to the universe which will reply back in kind with little messages of synchronicity, guiding you to your light´s potential.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It´s our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves; who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of the universe.
Your playing small doesn´t serve the world.
There is nothing enlightening about shrinking,
So that other people won´t feel insecure around you.
We are born to make manifest the glory of the universe that is within us. It´s not just in some of us: it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
And as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.